[Yeah. He considers the question for a second - it's a new one.]
I want . . .
[What, for him to have said they were most likely dead? The way he felt then, and still partially feels?
It's a little messier than that.]
I want him to have been telling the truth. I want to be able to believe him. I . . . when that happened, when he told me, I was so relieved. I never even considered he might be lying to me. Why would I believe him like that? He tells lies all the time.
When we lose our memories, do those people also disappear? Is everyone I ever loved gone, as long as I can't remember them?
[there's a pause—but not long enough for him to fill it.]
I don't know. Nobody does, right now. But if someone asked me that question, I'd want to answer it positively—that they're not, even if it's something I fear myself.
But if someone said that to me... I wouldn't agree. What proof do they have? [she looks at mob, expression placid.] I'm the same as you.
So... maybe it's something beyond a lie. Maybe it's just human nature. To want to provide something, anything, when you can.
[He nods. He looks a little miserable - almost teary, but he doesn't really cry easily. He's already come to that conclusion - that maybe this wasn't a "lie" per se but a kind thing to tell someone. Elsa helped talk him through that last week already.
But it still hurts, somehow. He still feels like he's lost something important.]
I . . . always liked talking to Reigen-san. I always felt like his advice helped me, and as long as I listened to it, it would all be okay.
But it doesn't feel that way anymore. The things he said - they don't mean anything. Psychic powers aren't knives! Having them is pretty unusual any way you look at it! And - the world can be full of cruel people and things that will hurt you if you let them. You can't just ignore those things and hope for the best!
I. . . I miss believing he was right about these things.
this, then, was mob's memory loss. a loss of, if you will... innocence. belief.]
Me, too.
I miss believing in that sort of thing whole-heartedly. That everything will be okay.
I suppose that's what I meant, when I said that both could be correct. That we can know the truth. Acknowledge, and work to adapt to it—but also hope for the best. Tell ourselves that everything will be okay—and work towards making it true. That it's not... that it doesn't have to just complacency in words.
[gently, she puts a hand on mob's shoulder.]
Finding the balance between those... I think, for myself, was a part of growing up.
[Not exactly, but sort of. He doesn't know exactly what he lost, just that it's gone.
He leans into her touch, feeling not very grown up at all. He wants to be a child who can confide all of his fears and feelings into a trusted adult. But that's not really possible anymore, is it?]
I. . . I don't know how to decide for myself what's right and what's wrong. I try to listen, but everyone says things that make sense, even when they're different, so. . .
It was easy, to just do what Master Reigen said. But if I decide for myself, and I choose the wrong thing - it's always scared me.
You know, that's exactly how I feel, too. Exactly like that.
Making the choice, choosing the wrong one—I know how it feels to be frozen with indecision. The next right thing—that is, what feels right to you—I think that's all we can expect of ourselves.
[...]
To be honest, I don't know what I'm going to do in the future, right now. I can't see that far ahead. But I know that I'll make the choice that I think is best—even if others don't agree.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I want . . .
[What, for him to have said they were most likely dead? The way he felt then, and still partially feels?
It's a little messier than that.]
I want him to have been telling the truth. I want to be able to believe him. I . . . when that happened, when he told me, I was so relieved. I never even considered he might be lying to me. Why would I believe him like that? He tells lies all the time.
But I want it to be true again!
no subject
[she looks back up at the sky.]
When we lose our memories, do those people also disappear? Is everyone I ever loved gone, as long as I can't remember them?
[there's a pause—but not long enough for him to fill it.]
I don't know. Nobody does, right now. But if someone asked me that question, I'd want to answer it positively—that they're not, even if it's something I fear myself.
But if someone said that to me... I wouldn't agree. What proof do they have? [she looks at mob, expression placid.] I'm the same as you.
So... maybe it's something beyond a lie. Maybe it's just human nature. To want to provide something, anything, when you can.
no subject
But it still hurts, somehow. He still feels like he's lost something important.]
I . . . always liked talking to Reigen-san. I always felt like his advice helped me, and as long as I listened to it, it would all be okay.
But it doesn't feel that way anymore. The things he said - they don't mean anything. Psychic powers aren't knives! Having them is pretty unusual any way you look at it! And - the world can be full of cruel people and things that will hurt you if you let them. You can't just ignore those things and hope for the best!
I. . . I miss believing he was right about these things.
no subject
this, then, was mob's memory loss. a loss of, if you will... innocence. belief.]
Me, too.
I miss believing in that sort of thing whole-heartedly. That everything will be okay.
I suppose that's what I meant, when I said that both could be correct. That we can know the truth. Acknowledge, and work to adapt to it—but also hope for the best. Tell ourselves that everything will be okay—and work towards making it true. That it's not... that it doesn't have to just complacency in words.
[gently, she puts a hand on mob's shoulder.]
Finding the balance between those... I think, for myself, was a part of growing up.
no subject
He leans into her touch, feeling not very grown up at all. He wants to be a child who can confide all of his fears and feelings into a trusted adult. But that's not really possible anymore, is it?]
I. . . I don't know how to decide for myself what's right and what's wrong. I try to listen, but everyone says things that make sense, even when they're different, so. . .
It was easy, to just do what Master Reigen said. But if I decide for myself, and I choose the wrong thing - it's always scared me.
no subject
Making the choice, choosing the wrong one—I know how it feels to be frozen with indecision. The next right thing—that is, what feels right to you—I think that's all we can expect of ourselves.
[...]
To be honest, I don't know what I'm going to do in the future, right now. I can't see that far ahead. But I know that I'll make the choice that I think is best—even if others don't agree.
no subject
[He sounds really lost.]
I don't know anything. Everything seems wrong.
no subject
[...]
What would you like to do? What feels right, right now, for you?
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and then mob betrayed her!!!!!!]