[ poor mob. it's a little while after the trial that xie lian will come seek out one of their youngest members, and though he's still a little slow walking, it seems they had much of the same idea, today.
he announces his presence quietly, clearing his throat. ] ...Shigeo. Is it alright if I join you?
xie lian leans forward to rest his elbows on the bridge, and he's quiet for a long while. he's the kind of person who exudes calm - there's no real push for an answer or conversation, staring at the stars like that.
however, after a little while, he speaks up. ] ...What you did today, Shigeo... I know you were trying to be kind. Right?
[He likes that. The easiest way to cheer him up has always been to sit quietly near him - maybe with a side of food, too. But even without a meal, the quiet company helps calm him some.
i mean. xie lian turns to glance down at him. ] ...I thought as much.
I know you must be feeling anxious about it - that things ended up the way that they did was difficult to watch. [ considering. considering the reaction of some of their fellow realm denizens. ] But...I don't think you did the wrong thing, even still.
Acts of kindness like that are always a light in this world, I think.
[ maybe then they would have done a better job shaking kano down if they did. ]
We have the ability to heal and help others who are injured, and Miss Jeanne is a capable combatant: I think it could have ended much worse. [ there's a pause, but.... xie lian reaches up, and gently brushes his own fingers at his throat. ] ...And in the end, perhaps, you may have helped him after all.
[ he's quiet, after that, somberly so. what a situation they've all found themselves in, to witness such a thing; that kano had to experience it. ]
[ mob will also find xie lian out looking through the graveyard, today! rather, he will find him standing near the grave where he found hikaru, staring down into it. he looks exhausted, and... sad, more than anything.
when he hears footsteps, he looks up - and he gives mob a small, tired smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. ]
[Yeah. I mean, he's not out here staring into Hikaru's grave like a creep, he's just wandering a little like he does sometimes after trials. He's a spooky kid and he finds spooky places like this a little calming. People are kind of scary but ghosts have never bothered him.]
. . . Good evening. You must have been very worried.
but. ah. he tips his head down, taking a step back. ]
...What I was worried for was what happened - that someone innocent would be chosen, today. [ xie lian shifts away from the grave a little to bow to him, more properly. ]
If I was worried for my own well being, it was less so myself, and more so the people I would leave behind, including my Leader.
[ I'M CRYING mob is also a creep. we're creeps and weirdos.
xie lian considers the question for a moment. ]
...She asked us to forgive them. Whoever they were. And I know that she was suffering - she was barely present, when I spoke with her on Thursday.
I am not angry with them - but I am hurt. I think that is the only feeling I can grasp onto right now. It is perhaps irrational to be, and against her wishes, but feelings are not a rational thing.
They aren't. [But he'll accept that answer.] It's okay to be angry and sad. Something like that should not have happened to Hikaru-san.
[Sighing a little.] I don't know enough to know whether you did that or not. [He really has no idea.] But it doesn't matter either way. If you did, it was only to be kind to her, and if you didn't, you lost somebody important to you.
...I will tell you with honesty, that I had nothing to do with it. [ xie lian sighs. ] If I had, I would have been up front about it - I would be the first person to confess. And, if for some reason, I was not able to be up front, I would have made it incredibly obvious that it was me. The last thing I want to see is someone innocent punished for a crime they did not commit, especially if it was for something I had done.
...I did know that she was in bad shape, though. When I saw her on Thursday, she.. she promised me that she would wake up on Friday, and we would talk then.
But from one conversation with her, I think I knew that wouldn't happen. [ and that's the worst part of it. xie lian shifts where he's standing, his shoulders tense, his expression deeply troubled. ]
...The hardest part of his place, I think, is not being able to do anything. Even when we solve trials correctly, there is no victory in condemning someone to death, especially if it's for completing a task that they were asked to do.
Were I awake on Thursday night, would I have been able to protect her? Could I have stepped in front of her and taken the blow myself, or fought off her attacker? Or - in the case of splintering nova, would that even be the right thing to do?
[ xie lian folds his hands in front of himself. he just feels exhausted. ] ...Such heavy questions, and ones with no answer that I can do anything with, besides agonize over it, and hope at the end of the day, the right choices are made.
Today, I don't feel that they were. I'm sure no one does.
[He can't think Xie Lian is lying when he talks like that. That makes sense to him - it's not wrong to stop someone from splintering, but it's a little bit cruel to hide it and make everyone guess. He can forgive someone for that cruelty, when it's their own lives and their loved ones' feelings at risk, but if Xie Lian feels that way too, it's easy for him to understand.
Anyway, he's learned one thing, and it's to pat someone on the shoulder like 'there there' when they seem sad, so he does that. (He's learned a few other things, too).]
. . . It's a cruel place. But the more I think about it, the more I think all of these terrible decisions we're making aren't the ones that matter. Deciding to kill people who splinter, deciding to vote for someone to die, deciding to execute them - those are all terrible, terrible things we're doing. But my friends who aren't terrible people are making those decisions, too. So I feel that. . .
The decisions that matter most are the ones we make about things we can control.
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week 1; sunday
shitpost laziness is valid
he announces his presence quietly, clearing his throat. ] ...Shigeo. Is it alright if I join you?
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Sometimes, it has been a day.]
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xie lian leans forward to rest his elbows on the bridge, and he's quiet for a long while. he's the kind of person who exudes calm - there's no real push for an answer or conversation, staring at the stars like that.
however, after a little while, he speaks up. ] ...What you did today, Shigeo... I know you were trying to be kind. Right?
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But when Xie Lian speaks up, he's listening.]
Yes. I wanted to help him.
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i mean. xie lian turns to glance down at him. ] ...I thought as much.
I know you must be feeling anxious about it - that things ended up the way that they did was difficult to watch. [ considering. considering the reaction of some of their fellow realm denizens. ] But...I don't think you did the wrong thing, even still.
Acts of kindness like that are always a light in this world, I think.
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[He looks down, not quite meeting his eyes, but he feels relieved, anyway.]
I didn't expect him to try to fight Ruler-san. I never would have wanted to hurt her.
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[ maybe then they would have done a better job shaking kano down if they did. ]
We have the ability to heal and help others who are injured, and Miss Jeanne is a capable combatant: I think it could have ended much worse. [ there's a pause, but.... xie lian reaches up, and gently brushes his own fingers at his throat. ] ...And in the end, perhaps, you may have helped him after all.
[ he's quiet, after that, somberly so. what a situation they've all found themselves in, to witness such a thing; that kano had to experience it. ]
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[Clenching his fists, determined.]
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...I'm glad to hear that, Shigeo. I truly am. You have a very strong heart.
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[He repeats it, because he doesn't know what to make of it exactly.]
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So to hear you say that you're still glad - I'm happy to hear it, is all. I think it says a lot about your character.
w4!! slides in wtf we need more pcs
when he hears footsteps, he looks up - and he gives mob a small, tired smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. ]
...Good evening, Shigeo.
we truly do
. . . Good evening. You must have been very worried.
velcros onto
but. ah. he tips his head down, taking a step back. ]
...What I was worried for was what happened - that someone innocent would be chosen, today. [ xie lian shifts away from the grave a little to bow to him, more properly. ]
If I was worried for my own well being, it was less so myself, and more so the people I would leave behind, including my Leader.
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Someone innocent. [He considers that. He cares about Vezda, so it hurts a little. But there were so many bad options]
. . . Are you angry at the person who killed Hikaru-san?
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xie lian considers the question for a moment. ]
...She asked us to forgive them. Whoever they were. And I know that she was suffering - she was barely present, when I spoke with her on Thursday.
I am not angry with them - but I am hurt. I think that is the only feeling I can grasp onto right now. It is perhaps irrational to be, and against her wishes, but feelings are not a rational thing.
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[Sighing a little.] I don't know enough to know whether you did that or not. [He really has no idea.] But it doesn't matter either way. If you did, it was only to be kind to her, and if you didn't, you lost somebody important to you.
So it really. . . doesn't matter.
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...I did know that she was in bad shape, though. When I saw her on Thursday, she.. she promised me that she would wake up on Friday, and we would talk then.
But from one conversation with her, I think I knew that wouldn't happen. [ and that's the worst part of it. xie lian shifts where he's standing, his shoulders tense, his expression deeply troubled. ]
...The hardest part of his place, I think, is not being able to do anything. Even when we solve trials correctly, there is no victory in condemning someone to death, especially if it's for completing a task that they were asked to do.
Were I awake on Thursday night, would I have been able to protect her? Could I have stepped in front of her and taken the blow myself, or fought off her attacker? Or - in the case of splintering nova, would that even be the right thing to do?
[ xie lian folds his hands in front of himself. he just feels exhausted. ] ...Such heavy questions, and ones with no answer that I can do anything with, besides agonize over it, and hope at the end of the day, the right choices are made.
Today, I don't feel that they were. I'm sure no one does.
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[He can't think Xie Lian is lying when he talks like that. That makes sense to him - it's not wrong to stop someone from splintering, but it's a little bit cruel to hide it and make everyone guess. He can forgive someone for that cruelty, when it's their own lives and their loved ones' feelings at risk, but if Xie Lian feels that way too, it's easy for him to understand.
Anyway, he's learned one thing, and it's to pat someone on the shoulder like 'there there' when they seem sad, so he does that. (He's learned a few other things, too).]
. . . It's a cruel place. But the more I think about it, the more I think all of these terrible decisions we're making aren't the ones that matter. Deciding to kill people who splinter, deciding to vote for someone to die, deciding to execute them - those are all terrible, terrible things we're doing. But my friends who aren't terrible people are making those decisions, too. So I feel that. . .
The decisions that matter most are the ones we make about things we can control.