[soo-won nods along with that, seeming content to wait with mob for as long as it takes him to reach his conclusions]
Precisely so.
.... I'm going to be honest with you, Shigeo, I don't believe that anyone here deserves to die. They also don't deserve to be put in positions where they make the choice to kill someone, whether it to be to protect nova or themselves. It's a burden that's placed on their shoulders because of this place.
Even if we didn't get it 'wrong' this week, I'm afraid I'm never going to believe that anything is 'right'.
All I know is that it generates more nova when we condemn the correct perpetrator, and that is an objective good.
[there's a bit of a smile at that, fond and amused - he's glad that apparently they're on the same page]
Taking a life is difficult, and I believe it largely only happens when people are pushed in a way that makes them feel compelled to act.
There's also cruelty and selfishness that can arise...
But at least here, I don't believe that's the case.
Maybe it's naive to want to understand others... but I also don't think it's something I can bring myself to regret. Everyone has their own circumstances, after all.
[Hmm. But he'll answer? He doesn't like to talk about it, but if he might forget, isn't it better to?]
The first time I had to make that decision, I didn't want to at all. My brother was taken by some very bad people. And he - [He stops, a little startled, because there's something missing here he didn't notice until now.] He, and I, and someone else had to fight them. But their powers were strong, and we couldn't win against them.
[His mood starts to tick up, little by little, more and more anxious.]
Using my abilities against other people is - whenever I have to, it's terrible. My abilities are dangerous. When I use them people become hurt, even when I try to hold back as much as I can. But my brother was saying that this time - this time, if I wanted to prevent everyone from being hurt, I had to stop holding back, or caring if I wound up killing those people.
What he was saying was - the person who has the most power also has the responsibility to fight. Even though I don't like hurting someone, if it's my responsibility, isn't it wrong to run from it?
in comparison to mob's anxiousness - he'll notice that soo-won is almost all too comfortable with this conversation. the familiarity, the understanding, the easy way he can reach for empathy and truly feel it.]
.... it would be nice if you weren't in that position, wouldn't it? If you didn't have that power to defeat people - but then... would you feel worse, if you couldn't save people when you wanted to?
[something in soo-won's heart aches and he can't stop the feeling, can't help that twist of what it means to choose everyone over someone.]
.... I hope you find an answer that you can live with, Shigeo. One that hurts you less - but one that you can be proud of, and acknowledge as one that you willingly chose.
[It's easy to talk to someone who just listens and encourages him; who doesn't get too upset or react to strongly. He takes a breath, the anxiety ticking back down again until he's calmer.]
I never thought about it that way before - the power to save people. [Well he has, but he forgot.] I didn't think I would miss them, but since coming here - if I had them, maybe there would be things I could have done that I wasn't able to do.
That's the difficult thing about power - it does come with a great burden. Because with power you can harm others if you aren't careful, and cause situations that cause hurt - but if you lack power and initiative, you also would only be able to stand idly by instead of being able to help anyone either.
[he shakes his head a bit]
Even then I think... that you do well for yourself here, and you do your best. That does count for something.
[ . . . . huh. soo-won blinks at that, a little surprised.]
That is quite the burden to be going through these types of ordeals twice.
.... but I didn't mean to suggest that it's not good to be surrounded by people who want to support you. On the contrary, I'm glad that you feel looked after here.
Rather... I just think that even if you didn't receive too much help, I think you'd be able to reach a good conclusion.
It wasn't the same, but it was also a terrible place.
[Soo-won's answer doesn't seem to satisfy him, so he'll continue a little.]
It was - a world created by a spirit. The place where I met Yuki. [The kitty cat - he mentioned to Soo-won when they met that she was from some kind of artificial place, right?] When he was alive, he had powers like I do, and he wanted to teach me something about them.
. . . His lesson worked. He was able to get me to use my powers to - to harm another person. I did something truly terrible there.
But I want to think it will be different this time! Because in that world, I didn't have anyone to talk to except for him.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Precisely so.
.... I'm going to be honest with you, Shigeo, I don't believe that anyone here deserves to die. They also don't deserve to be put in positions where they make the choice to kill someone, whether it to be to protect nova or themselves. It's a burden that's placed on their shoulders because of this place.
Even if we didn't get it 'wrong' this week, I'm afraid I'm never going to believe that anything is 'right'.
All I know is that it generates more nova when we condemn the correct perpetrator, and that is an objective good.
Even if everything else is hard to parse.
no subject
[On the first part, at least. He nods, somewhat relieved by Soo-won?]
So many people have told me it's naive or wrong to think that way. But it's true! No one deserves to be in that situation!
no subject
Taking a life is difficult, and I believe it largely only happens when people are pushed in a way that makes them feel compelled to act.
There's also cruelty and selfishness that can arise...
But at least here, I don't believe that's the case.
Maybe it's naive to want to understand others... but I also don't think it's something I can bring myself to regret. Everyone has their own circumstances, after all.
no subject
I've been in circumstances like that before. So. . . I couldn't hate someone for it.
no subject
[he sounds just a little surprised, given mob
but also he doesn't sound upset by it]
May I ask when and why?
no subject
[Hmm. But he'll answer? He doesn't like to talk about it, but if he might forget, isn't it better to?]
The first time I had to make that decision, I didn't want to at all. My brother was taken by some very bad people. And he - [He stops, a little startled, because there's something missing here he didn't notice until now.] He, and I, and someone else had to fight them. But their powers were strong, and we couldn't win against them.
[His mood starts to tick up, little by little, more and more anxious.]
Using my abilities against other people is - whenever I have to, it's terrible. My abilities are dangerous. When I use them people become hurt, even when I try to hold back as much as I can. But my brother was saying that this time - this time, if I wanted to prevent everyone from being hurt, I had to stop holding back, or caring if I wound up killing those people.
What he was saying was - the person who has the most power also has the responsibility to fight. Even though I don't like hurting someone, if it's my responsibility, isn't it wrong to run from it?
That's the type of decision I mean.
no subject
in comparison to mob's anxiousness - he'll notice that soo-won is almost all too comfortable with this conversation. the familiarity, the understanding, the easy way he can reach for empathy and truly feel it.]
.... it would be nice if you weren't in that position, wouldn't it? If you didn't have that power to defeat people - but then... would you feel worse, if you couldn't save people when you wanted to?
[something in soo-won's heart aches and he can't stop the feeling, can't help that twist of what it means to choose everyone over someone.]
.... I hope you find an answer that you can live with, Shigeo. One that hurts you less - but one that you can be proud of, and acknowledge as one that you willingly chose.
no subject
[It's easy to talk to someone who just listens and encourages him; who doesn't get too upset or react to strongly. He takes a breath, the anxiety ticking back down again until he's calmer.]
I never thought about it that way before - the power to save people. [Well he has, but he forgot.] I didn't think I would miss them, but since coming here - if I had them, maybe there would be things I could have done that I wasn't able to do.
no subject
[he shakes his head a bit]
Even then I think... that you do well for yourself here, and you do your best. That does count for something.
You're growing just as much as the rest of us.
no subject
It's because I have people like you, who always help me.
no subject
Come now, Shigeo, don't give everyone else so much credit.
I'm happy to help you -
But I think you need my help less than you might think.
no subject
. . . No. I need to have good people like you around me.
A little while ago, I was in a place that was nearly as awful as this place. But I was alone there. And that really. . . really made it different.
no subject
That is quite the burden to be going through these types of ordeals twice.
.... but I didn't mean to suggest that it's not good to be surrounded by people who want to support you. On the contrary, I'm glad that you feel looked after here.
Rather... I just think that even if you didn't receive too much help, I think you'd be able to reach a good conclusion.
no subject
[Soo-won's answer doesn't seem to satisfy him, so he'll continue a little.]
It was - a world created by a spirit. The place where I met Yuki. [The kitty cat - he mentioned to Soo-won when they met that she was from some kind of artificial place, right?] When he was alive, he had powers like I do, and he wanted to teach me something about them.
. . . His lesson worked. He was able to get me to use my powers to - to harm another person. I did something truly terrible there.
But I want to think it will be different this time! Because in that world, I didn't have anyone to talk to except for him.