[soo-won nods at that, and he doesn't even look like he disagrees with knowing it now? he met yona when she came to greet him, after all, and she seemed nice. he wishes that he knew more.
but . . . . . ah.]
His Majesty Il, yes. My uncle. [though if he were to connect things together.... he sorts through his items - which are now conveniently here with him - and brings the paper with the following chart] .... this blurred out name -
[points to 'Yona']
Is that her?
[he's going to forget this after this conversation but for now it'll stick for 2 whole seconds]
Because sometimes it is easier, to hold onto anger, and it will cause less disruption than knowing more. I didn't think that you would take it, but I felt it important to offer.
[mob had asked soo-won why he would make decisions for people sometimes -
half of those decisions are things that soo-won doesn't think people need to know, for their own peace of mind.]
.... then let me open first with a question -
What do you think a king's responsibilities are, Shigeo?
I'm not sure what a function a prime minister serves - but it is, in essence, someone has to lead, right? And when you are a king, then the entire kingdom is your responsibility, and all the people in it.
[ . . . . ]
I loved His Majesty Il. I remember that much. He held a commitment to peace, and some would call him cowardly - but I thought that he was simply extremely kind. Someone who did not want violence and bloodshed to stain the lands, and so he banned all weapons, let the Generals of Tribes do as they wished, and would give up pieces of our land at the borders to appease bordering countries.
I believe that kindness is not a sin. There is no reason not to be kind to others - as we've spoken about before.
However, at the same time, to be kind without reservation may awaken the greed and cruelty in others who will take advantage of that kindness.
And yet when you are in the capitol of the country, the protected castle, it is so easy to be far away from that greed. Kings are often the last to pay the price of their mistakes - those in the slums, the ground, those people who are still your responsibility.... they will be the ones who suffer in the king's place if his decisions are poor.
[ . . . ]
I waited ten years, hoping he would improve. However... after that much time, and all the suffering I witnessed, I could wait no longer.
[He saw a memory of Yona's that was similar - the things people would say about her dad. It hurt hearing it then, because he doesn't know anything about being a king, but that's still her dad.
He listens calmly to what Soo-won says.]
You really are so confident in your decisions. [He said it once to him after trial, maybe a little in awe but also a little afraid. This time, it only sounds a little sad.]
I can't imagine what it's like to have that much confidence in yourself. To be so sure that you're the one who's right that you would do something that permanent. . .
[He understands the justification Soo-won is giving him, and it's not necessarily that it's wrong. He's sure Soo-won is a good king. But there's something that he just can't understand about that thought process.]
I have always been afraid of deciding things. Because if I decided the wrong thing. . . because of the power I have, no one would be able to tell me no. Rather than risk that, I've always run away.
[ . . . . . he looks thoughtful at that, and then:]
Because I read the words of people wiser than I, and I try to understand people. Some people have asked me if I have regrets. Archer asked me, if I regret doing what I've done in order to help my country... and I have said that regret would imply that I have not looked for every single possible angle to minimize as much damage as possible.
[he does what is necessary, even if it hurts. even if it means killing the people that he loves, because those people are no longer able to help others. but he doesn't act rashly, and he doesn't jump to conclusions. everything is calculated.]
.... I also think 'right' and 'wrong' are truly difficult to grasp. Do you remember when Fiora was willing to fight Archer, when he was prepared to fire an arrow at Kano for attacking Jeanne during execution?
In that moment, people were only trying their best. To protect some people over others, to save lives, to stay alive after being convicted while innocent.
And so I don't do things because I think they are right or wrong, good or bad, because someone can so easily argue against any of it. I do them because I assess the situation, and I make my own judgments.
What is important is making sure those sacrifices are worth it - because those people are still hurt or gone, no matter what reasons you offer to explain why.
. . . I'm sure if I say there could have been a way to stop him without killing him, you'll be able to explain that.
[And he doesn't think Soo-won would have made that decision lightly, either. So he understands what he means. If Soo-won and he tried to argue about whether it was right or wrong to kill the king, he's sure Soo-won would win. It wouldn't mean his own mind would change, only that he's terrible at arguing and Soo-won is good at it.
If that's true, then he understands what he means when he says he has to assess himself, and make his own judgments. But even so. . . ]
It still seems as though. . . by deciding to trust your own judgment. . . maybe you're understanding people based on how they'll react, but it isn't the same as truly understanding their feelings, or believing you could have something to learn from them.
I could never be a king, or make a difficult decision like that, but. . . I feel that Yona-san could. Maybe back then, if you'd understood who Yona-san is, she could have helped you avoid doing something so horrible!
[ . . . . he looks thoughtful about that, and unfortunately his answer is - ]
I don't know.
[because he doesn't remember yona.]
But I've read His Majesty Il's memoirs, and his insistence that he knew that he would fall short of my judgments, and in the same breath insisted that I could never be king.
He was insistent on waiting for the gods to come and save the kingdom. [which is also tied to yona but he doesn't know that] However when people are suffering, how can you continue to wait on the heavens when they aren't coming?
Yona seems nice. Perhaps you're right, and there could have been ways to avoid a violent act to take power. [he doesn't sound convinced but also - with the gaps in his memory, he recognizes that there's the slightest chance of it.]
But I'm afraid it's done, and I will live with what I've lost, and the harm I have caused others.
I'm sorry if I've disappointed you.
[but he never expects anyone to have a high opinion of him in the first place. that's not why he takes the actions he does.]
[He is disappointed, but it isn't as though he's angry or no longer cares about Soo-won. It just is hard for him to square. He can forgive anything from a person who wants to change and become better, but a person who is sure his decision was right - he doesn't know what to do about that.
Still, he takes a few quiet seconds to consider his response.]
. . . What I think is that you're an incredible person. I saw in your memory, and here, how much people listen to you and trust you, and how much you use that to help everyone. The way you're able to talk to people and make decisions is, in a way, one of the most incredible things I've ever seen.
So it disappoints me to hear you say that something awful like that is something you'll live with. Because. . . I think you could find a better way, even if I'm not smart enough to.
Even if it wasn't possible then, you can still try to become someone who wouldn't have to use violence! You shouldn't just accept things as they are!
[ . . . . . he looks thoughtful himself, as if trying to consider. could he have been able to do something else to avoid the death of king il? he's not sure, not when his memories are as fragmented as they are. is he able to do something to avoid future wars? he's also not sure.]
.... it's not as though I reach for my sword as a first resort. I did make a mistake recently, when it came to presuming that a conflict would come to war. I am relieved it was avoided, and... I have been trying to amend my ways from that.
[however.]
.... however, I think in the time period that I live in, with the current geography and politics, sometimes violence cannot be avoided.
Of course, there are ways to minimize casualties when it does come to blows. I try to avoid any death where possible, because causing unnecessary strife will only lead to further suffering and spite.
I would like a world of peace, and my only true goal is to have my country be one that is strong enough so it is not invaded by foreign powers. But I also think that my reality might just be different from yours, Shigeo.
[when choosing non-violence can be, in and of itself, an act of weakness that would put the rest of the country in danger]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[She also killed him, but. Laugh track.]
. . . Even though you don't remember Yona-san, do you remember the king, who died?
no subject
but . . . . . ah.]
His Majesty Il, yes. My uncle. [though if he were to connect things together.... he sorts through his items - which are now conveniently here with him - and brings the paper with the following chart] .... this blurred out name -
[points to 'Yona']
Is that her?
[he's going to forget this after this conversation but for now it'll stick for 2 whole seconds]
no subject
Yona-san's dad. [But that's not really what he's even trying to get at.] Yona-san told me that the person who killed him was you.
Is that something you can remember?
no subject
[though he seems to understand a little bit more now - even if this will disappear, too.]
I killed him about a year ago.
no subject
[He's speaking more honestly, now. Not wary anymore, just a little disappointed.]
Not only because Yona-san is my friend, but because you are my friend.
no subject
.... I won't bother to explain myself, if you don't want to hear it.
[because he doesn't think talking will change what he's done, after all.]
But I can tell you why, if you are interested in knowing.
no subject
[He literally can't understand the concept of not wanting to hear someone out.]
You don't have to tell me, but I'd like to know.
no subject
Because sometimes it is easier, to hold onto anger, and it will cause less disruption than knowing more. I didn't think that you would take it, but I felt it important to offer.
[mob had asked soo-won why he would make decisions for people sometimes -
half of those decisions are things that soo-won doesn't think people need to know, for their own peace of mind.]
.... then let me open first with a question -
What do you think a king's responsibilities are, Shigeo?
no subject
[Please don't ask him these questions.]
I'm sure he has to pass laws?
no subject
That's true.
I'm not sure what a function a prime minister serves - but it is, in essence, someone has to lead, right? And when you are a king, then the entire kingdom is your responsibility, and all the people in it.
[ . . . . ]
I loved His Majesty Il. I remember that much. He held a commitment to peace, and some would call him cowardly - but I thought that he was simply extremely kind. Someone who did not want violence and bloodshed to stain the lands, and so he banned all weapons, let the Generals of Tribes do as they wished, and would give up pieces of our land at the borders to appease bordering countries.
I believe that kindness is not a sin. There is no reason not to be kind to others - as we've spoken about before.
However, at the same time, to be kind without reservation may awaken the greed and cruelty in others who will take advantage of that kindness.
And yet when you are in the capitol of the country, the protected castle, it is so easy to be far away from that greed. Kings are often the last to pay the price of their mistakes - those in the slums, the ground, those people who are still your responsibility.... they will be the ones who suffer in the king's place if his decisions are poor.
[ . . . ]
I waited ten years, hoping he would improve. However... after that much time, and all the suffering I witnessed, I could wait no longer.
no subject
He listens calmly to what Soo-won says.]
You really are so confident in your decisions. [He said it once to him after trial, maybe a little in awe but also a little afraid. This time, it only sounds a little sad.]
I can't imagine what it's like to have that much confidence in yourself. To be so sure that you're the one who's right that you would do something that permanent. . .
[He understands the justification Soo-won is giving him, and it's not necessarily that it's wrong. He's sure Soo-won is a good king. But there's something that he just can't understand about that thought process.]
I have always been afraid of deciding things. Because if I decided the wrong thing. . . because of the power I have, no one would be able to tell me no. Rather than risk that, I've always run away.
Why aren't you afraid of being wrong?
no subject
Because I read the words of people wiser than I, and I try to understand people. Some people have asked me if I have regrets. Archer asked me, if I regret doing what I've done in order to help my country... and I have said that regret would imply that I have not looked for every single possible angle to minimize as much damage as possible.
[he does what is necessary, even if it hurts. even if it means killing the people that he loves, because those people are no longer able to help others. but he doesn't act rashly, and he doesn't jump to conclusions. everything is calculated.]
.... I also think 'right' and 'wrong' are truly difficult to grasp. Do you remember when Fiora was willing to fight Archer, when he was prepared to fire an arrow at Kano for attacking Jeanne during execution?
In that moment, people were only trying their best. To protect some people over others, to save lives, to stay alive after being convicted while innocent.
And so I don't do things because I think they are right or wrong, good or bad, because someone can so easily argue against any of it. I do them because I assess the situation, and I make my own judgments.
What is important is making sure those sacrifices are worth it - because those people are still hurt or gone, no matter what reasons you offer to explain why.
no subject
[And he doesn't think Soo-won would have made that decision lightly, either. So he understands what he means. If Soo-won and he tried to argue about whether it was right or wrong to kill the king, he's sure Soo-won would win. It wouldn't mean his own mind would change, only that he's terrible at arguing and Soo-won is good at it.
If that's true, then he understands what he means when he says he has to assess himself, and make his own judgments. But even so. . . ]
It still seems as though. . . by deciding to trust your own judgment. . . maybe you're understanding people based on how they'll react, but it isn't the same as truly understanding their feelings, or believing you could have something to learn from them.
I could never be a king, or make a difficult decision like that, but. . . I feel that Yona-san could. Maybe back then, if you'd understood who Yona-san is, she could have helped you avoid doing something so horrible!
no subject
I don't know.
[because he doesn't remember yona.]
But I've read His Majesty Il's memoirs, and his insistence that he knew that he would fall short of my judgments, and in the same breath insisted that I could never be king.
He was insistent on waiting for the gods to come and save the kingdom. [which is also tied to yona but he doesn't know that] However when people are suffering, how can you continue to wait on the heavens when they aren't coming?
Yona seems nice. Perhaps you're right, and there could have been ways to avoid a violent act to take power. [he doesn't sound convinced but also - with the gaps in his memory, he recognizes that there's the slightest chance of it.]
But I'm afraid it's done, and I will live with what I've lost, and the harm I have caused others.
I'm sorry if I've disappointed you.
[but he never expects anyone to have a high opinion of him in the first place. that's not why he takes the actions he does.]
no subject
[He is disappointed, but it isn't as though he's angry or no longer cares about Soo-won. It just is hard for him to square. He can forgive anything from a person who wants to change and become better, but a person who is sure his decision was right - he doesn't know what to do about that.
Still, he takes a few quiet seconds to consider his response.]
. . . What I think is that you're an incredible person. I saw in your memory, and here, how much people listen to you and trust you, and how much you use that to help everyone. The way you're able to talk to people and make decisions is, in a way, one of the most incredible things I've ever seen.
So it disappoints me to hear you say that something awful like that is something you'll live with. Because. . . I think you could find a better way, even if I'm not smart enough to.
Even if it wasn't possible then, you can still try to become someone who wouldn't have to use violence! You shouldn't just accept things as they are!
no subject
.... it's not as though I reach for my sword as a first resort. I did make a mistake recently, when it came to presuming that a conflict would come to war. I am relieved it was avoided, and... I have been trying to amend my ways from that.
[however.]
.... however, I think in the time period that I live in, with the current geography and politics, sometimes violence cannot be avoided.
Of course, there are ways to minimize casualties when it does come to blows. I try to avoid any death where possible, because causing unnecessary strife will only lead to further suffering and spite.
I would like a world of peace, and my only true goal is to have my country be one that is strong enough so it is not invaded by foreign powers. But I also think that my reality might just be different from yours, Shigeo.
[when choosing non-violence can be, in and of itself, an act of weakness that would put the rest of the country in danger]