[He is at least partially aware it's a bad plan that doesn't make sense, but he also doesn't know what else to do. He's going to continue walking, but they don't hit a trap just yet.]
. . . It's not soon enough. I need to go home now. I will find a way.
[Oh, here we go. Arrows. He doesn't even really bother to avoid it, he just - tries to move out of the way when it fires.]
It would be dangerous, to explain this. [If he thinks too hard about this, it would be really dangerous.] Just help me go home so I can find that person.
[He. . . doesn't really think it's okay. He knows he doesn't have his powers here, he knows. But it's not so easy to shake off years of pushing your feelings away, thinking they aren't safe. Even after weeks without them, he's still felt, somehow, deep down, that if he became truly upset, they'd appear again. The Realm can't be stronger than them. Nothing is stronger than them. There is nothing that can stop him, if he really loses control.
Jeanne is brave, and kind, but she hasn't seen them. She doesn't know. And he's not feeling particularly inclined to give well meaning adults the benefit of the doubt right now.
He whirls around on her, angry suddenly instead of only tense.]
It's not okay! Don't lie to me! Don't tell me it's okay when it isn't!
[ Jeanne watches him carefully, and her heart hurts from his anger and from what he's had to bottle up. ]
Harming others isn't okay, but it will be all right if it's with me. I'm not lying to you. I meant it then and I mean it now.
If you lose control, it won't hurt me. If your powers come back, mine will, too. And even if they don't, I'll stop you because I know you're the type of person who doesn't want to hurt others.
[She doesn't know that, at all. She thinks her powers will be strong enough, or that he'll be strong enough. But she doesn't have any idea whether she's right.
But it is tempting to believe her.]
. . . It isn't about not wanting to.
[It really isn't that easy. If it was, he never would have hurt Ritsu, would he have?]
Before I came here, something very terrible happened. The person who did it. . . if they have the power to create dummies, I need to see it.
No, but it can start with wanting. It may not be easy, and it may take a very long time, but things can't change without wanting.
[ She may not know if she's right, but she's sure about that. It may not work at first, but even if she doesn't know everything, that doesn't mean things have to remain the same.
Jeanne is someone who can only walk forward. ]
What will the power to create dummies do? What terrible thing happened?
[That does make sense, right? Doesn't it? He's not sure; it's hard to focus on anything else right now. But he does feel like he wants to tell her.
The last time this happened, there was also someone he wanted to trust in, but it didn't end up so well. And yet, Jeanne isn't really asking anything from him except honesty.]
There was a fire at my home. It burned to the ground. And when I went inside after, there were also. . .
[His negative feelings are ticking upwards again, uncomfortable, and his expression changes away from the incredibly focused look to something terrified. He doesn't want to have to explain this part. He hopes Jeanne will just understand what he saw inside. That it wasn't only his home that he saw burning.]
Dimple said a power was used to create dummies that look exactly like human beings. I need to find out whether he was telling the truth.
[ Jeanne walks up to him and wraps her arms around him in a hug. She hopes her sincerity is carried through even if he can't feel this embrace. It hurts a little that she can't convey more. It aches that he had to witness such a thing. ]
When we first met, you told me they were safe.
[ She doesn't know if this is what is truth in his world, but it is what he told her. She doesn't even know if this will even register with him with how memories work here, but she has to try. She can't let him go.
His grief of the unknown loss and the expanse of his love— she knows how true they are. ]
[He'll accept the hug, without moving to return it. Even with how upset he is, there's a part of him that feels relieved - he was able to explain, and nothing bad happened. Relieved enough to let himself tear up a little and relax some of his control. So that part - the part where she said it wouldn't be dangerous to talk about - was true.
But he has to shake his head to the rest of it.]
I didn't forget that. I didn't forget. [He sounds pretty confident about that.] What I said when we met - I wanted to believe it. Because after, when I found Reigen-san, he said Dimple was probably right about the dummies, and I wanted to believe him, and I wanted to stop looking for the person with that power. It hurt, to stay like this for so long, and I wanted to give up looking, so I decided to believe Reigen-san.
But I didn't know. And he doesn't know. He was lying to me.
[ He doesn't need to return the hug. Jeanne will tighten her hold a little, and she feels like crying, listening to him. She doesn't, but her heart is heavy with the sadness that Mob has experienced.
If he was lied to, if no one knows for certain, she can't promise him it will be all right. She doesn't like to give false hopes and promises. ]
I think he didn't want you to keep hurting or for you to hurt others, but... he shouldn't have lied, not like that.
But I think... it's okay to want to believe your family is safe. It's something good to hope for even if you don't know. It's something you can work to know.
[Yeah, it's bad. He nods at what she says. It's painful, but it's better than being lied to and told it's okay.]
I'm sure he only wanted to keep me from losing control. . . and Dimple, too. Before he said what he said, I nearly - [Hmm.] I am grateful to Dimple for stopping me, even if it was with a lie.
But now I've been here weeks and haven't even tried to go home or look for them.
You are being too hard on yourself. You are trying. In your own way, you have been trying.
[ Her voice is gentle but firm. ]
We have all been working to go home. It may not be direct, and it may not be quick, but that doesn't mean we aren't all trying. That includes you, Shigeo.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ Did he forget something, or did someone somehow make him mad enough to be like this?
She won't try to physically stop him until they near the traps. It's a good thing she has her standard with her. ]
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. . . It's not soon enough. I need to go home now. I will find a way.
[Oh, here we go. Arrows. He doesn't even really bother to avoid it, he just - tries to move out of the way when it fires.]
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If he isn't going to stop of his own will, she needs to find out why. ]
Why do you feel you need to go home now? Please, I'm listening. You know I'll listen to you.
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I need to find the person with the power to create dummies.
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[ She follows and keeps her standard held and at the ready for any trap he doesn't bother dodging. ]
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[His shoulders tremble a little.]
It would be dangerous, to explain this. [If he thinks too hard about this, it would be really dangerous.] Just help me go home so I can find that person.
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[ She speaks gently, and she draws even closer to him. He may not be able to feel and neither can she, but that doesn't mean she can't reach for him.
She reaches for his shoulder. ]
It really is okay, Shigeo.
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Jeanne is brave, and kind, but she hasn't seen them. She doesn't know. And he's not feeling particularly inclined to give well meaning adults the benefit of the doubt right now.
He whirls around on her, angry suddenly instead of only tense.]
It's not okay! Don't lie to me! Don't tell me it's okay when it isn't!
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Harming others isn't okay, but it will be all right if it's with me. I'm not lying to you. I meant it then and I mean it now.
If you lose control, it won't hurt me. If your powers come back, mine will, too. And even if they don't, I'll stop you because I know you're the type of person who doesn't want to hurt others.
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But it is tempting to believe her.]
. . . It isn't about not wanting to.
[It really isn't that easy. If it was, he never would have hurt Ritsu, would he have?]
Before I came here, something very terrible happened. The person who did it. . . if they have the power to create dummies, I need to see it.
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[ She may not know if she's right, but she's sure about that. It may not work at first, but even if she doesn't know everything, that doesn't mean things have to remain the same.
Jeanne is someone who can only walk forward. ]
What will the power to create dummies do? What terrible thing happened?
[ She can't know, if she doesn't learn. ]
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The last time this happened, there was also someone he wanted to trust in, but it didn't end up so well. And yet, Jeanne isn't really asking anything from him except honesty.]
There was a fire at my home. It burned to the ground. And when I went inside after, there were also. . .
[His negative feelings are ticking upwards again, uncomfortable, and his expression changes away from the incredibly focused look to something terrified. He doesn't want to have to explain this part. He hopes Jeanne will just understand what he saw inside. That it wasn't only his home that he saw burning.]
Dimple said a power was used to create dummies that look exactly like human beings. I need to find out whether he was telling the truth.
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When we first met, you told me they were safe.
[ She doesn't know if this is what is truth in his world, but it is what he told her. She doesn't even know if this will even register with him with how memories work here, but she has to try. She can't let him go.
His grief of the unknown loss and the expanse of his love— she knows how true they are. ]
They will be safe.
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But he has to shake his head to the rest of it.]
I didn't forget that. I didn't forget. [He sounds pretty confident about that.] What I said when we met - I wanted to believe it. Because after, when I found Reigen-san, he said Dimple was probably right about the dummies, and I wanted to believe him, and I wanted to stop looking for the person with that power. It hurt, to stay like this for so long, and I wanted to give up looking, so I decided to believe Reigen-san.
But I didn't know. And he doesn't know. He was lying to me.
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If he was lied to, if no one knows for certain, she can't promise him it will be all right. She doesn't like to give false hopes and promises. ]
I think he didn't want you to keep hurting or for you to hurt others, but... he shouldn't have lied, not like that.
But I think... it's okay to want to believe your family is safe. It's something good to hope for even if you don't know. It's something you can work to know.
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I'm sure he only wanted to keep me from losing control. . . and Dimple, too. Before he said what he said, I nearly - [Hmm.] I am grateful to Dimple for stopping me, even if it was with a lie.
But now I've been here weeks and haven't even tried to go home or look for them.
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[ Her voice is gentle but firm. ]
We have all been working to go home. It may not be direct, and it may not be quick, but that doesn't mean we aren't all trying. That includes you, Shigeo.
dw stop! eating! my precious jeanne tags!
[He's just repeating what she said, because he kind of needs to hear it.]
But I can't wait here forever, either. If they're still alive, then they need me!
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[ She pulls away from him, so she meet his gaze head on. ]
To get back to your future, you need to focus on your present.
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[He trusts her, so he'll listen to that, too.]
I don't know what I'm able to do here.
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There are many questions that need answers.