exercisms | hikaru catchall

You made a mistake?

[He sounds concerned. He understands, though - it's easy to make mistakes when you're angry.]

What happened?

...

You know about the gems, right, Shigeo-kun? The ones we got earlier in the week, at the virtual reality rooms?

[Nodding.]

Yes - I have mine, still.

I... used mine. On Shuuya-kun.

What does yours do?

It forces someone to be kind.

I... used it on him during trial. I thought it would help him, because he... he says a lot of stuff to keep people thinking that he's a horrible person, even if it isn't true, but...

...

I think I just made it worse for him, Shigeo-kun.

Edited 2020-10-11 14:40 (UTC)

[Oh no.]

When? When did you use it?

Near the start... when he was arguing with Sora-kun about not wanting to tell where he was on Thursday.

So when he said those things, about whether I'd still want to be his friend later. . .

[That explains a lot about it.]

I could tell he was very frightened of something, and wanting to hide. But. . .

I... I don't think any of it was a lie, but I...

Shuuya-kun... he really, really hates himself, you know? And I think... a lot of what he does is because he thinks everybody else needs to hate him, too. He doesn't wanna tell the truth, or what he feels, or what he even thinks, because he thinks that something in there is too horrible to talk about.

He's... really, really mad at me, Shigeo-kun. And I'm mad at me, and mad at all the people that voted for him, and...

[Thank god she's all cried out. Her jaw trembles a bit, but she forces her expression to settle.]

I don't want him to die...

[He's listening, but he's still just processing all of that, too.]

Um. . . when I talked to him before, he encouraged me to say what's on my mind. And he said you were that kind of person, too.

Do you agree with that? Do you think it's better for someone to say what's on their mind, even if what they say might wind up making someone angry, or hurt?

Mmn. I do.

It's why I told Shuuya-kun what I did. I care about him, and he deserves to know what I think, even if it isn't always nice. If he has to be mad at me... I want him to be able to feel that, and make his own decision about it.

But I won't lie to him about something like that just because I want to feel better, or I want them not to hurt as much.

[Okay. Well, he was mainly just asking her for her permission to speak openly, and she gave it, so.]

Hikaru-san. Please never, ever change someone's feelings that way again.

[She flinches harshly.

But she nods, her eyes staying on the ground.]

I... don't want to. I didn't want to.

[Her flinch doesn't stop him from watching her with a steady gaze. But he's a gentle person, and that's the most he's capable of scolding someone who is already regretful.]

Mistakes happen sometimes.

...

Shuuya-kun calls me stupid all the time. I know why he does, and I know I'm not, but...

I.... if I hadn't done that, if I hadn't panicked and just trusted him to stand up for himself, then... he might not have been picked. And...

[And that, in itself, was the stupidest thing she feels she's done in a while. It seems so, so familiar that it just makes her feel like she's going to fall apart.]

[He doesn't know whether she's right about that or not. It's possible - he can't say it isn't. He's too straightforward to lie.

But he does feel sad for her, that she has to feel that way.]

If a mistake happened, all you can do is say you're sorry and try to do better.

...I know. And I know that... apologizing wasn't what he wanted to hear. He didn't want to hear any of it.

But... apologizing won't save him.

[Her fists clench tightly against her sides.]

I want to find a way to save him, Shigeo-kun. To bring him back, if anything happens.

We can try to save him, together.

[They can try. But, just like before, they probably won't be able to.]

Do people who die come back, where you're from?

Not from the execution. From this place. From... wherever the "removed" are taken. I don't want to believe they just vanish, and Shuuya-kun... I think he deserves another chance.

[To the question, though, she just shakes her head. Nope. The dead sure do stay dead.]

They don't where I'm from, either. Sometimes, people leave behind spirits, but that's all.

[He doesn't want to dash her hopes, but it seems like a bad idea to put your hopes in something like that. Pretending death isn't real, just because if it's real, the consequences are painful.]

This isn't either of those places though. It might be connected to everything, but... the Realm is special. And at the trial... there's a lot of people here that say they're supposed to be dead, or that they've died before. Virid-kun... the only reason he even did what he did was because he was supposed to be dead.

I don't know if we can bring anyone back. But if we can, while we're in a place like this...

Shouldn't we try?

We. . . we can try.

[But.]

But we should try even harder to prevent anyone from dying in the first place.

Mn, I know. The Realm, and stopping all of this... that's most important. I haven't forgotten.

I'll... I'll ask. After today, I... don't want to assume anything without asking again. But...

[A beat, before she holds up her hand, her pinky extended.]

I'm not going to do something like that again, Shigeo-kun. I promise. Even if I didn't know what it was going to do beforehand, it... still really, really hurt Shuuya-kun, and he can't even tell me how he feels because of it... and I can't take that back.

But it's my responsibility to see my mistakes and decide whether I'm gonna repeat them or not.

Edited 2020-10-12 03:51 (UTC)

[He looks bewildered for a second, but he'll take her pinky with his.]

Okay. If you want to try to make it right, then I want to help you do that.

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heartablaze - 2020-10-12 12:43 (UTC) - Expand