[She's started a little project with funnier shaped rocks on the shore - they won't work for what she needs for the shrine, but that doesn't mean she can't have a little fun with it. Right now it just looks kind of like the start of a box or something.]
Shigeo-kun, um...
Thank you. For... standing up for me a little during the trial. I know you shouldn't have had to do that.
I know he can get kind of angry really fast... but he wasn't wrong to ask what he did or anything.
[He didn't have proof that she was telling the truth, after all.]
I'm gonna try to talk to him later. I told him I would. I... think he'll still be mad, but...
I just didn't think telling something like that completely was a good idea. I didn't want to hide it, or that I used it... but I... I think bringing up anything more than that would have just made things even worse when we were supposed to be talking about Raven and Laine-san.
I don't think he was wrong to ask, either. [He nods in agreement.] But it would have been wrong to spend time at trial on that, when we didn't have time. [So that's why he jumped in.]
But. . . [He's frowning.] I didn't really like hearing what Cervantes-san and Shiro-san said, either. People like that - kind people, who want to protect your feelings - sometimes even though they're kind, listening to people like that is the wrong thing to do.
I know why they tried to do what they did. And I... I like all of them. But... it... it hurt more, for them to do that, then... then what Vesda-san did.
I don't need my hand held for my own mistakes, you know? How else am I supposed to learn...?
[Ahhhh, don't be sad. But he gets what she means.]
. . . After Kano-san's execution, Cervantes-san and Vezda-san and Archer-san were all very angry with me. But they didn't say anything to me. I was able to talk to Vezda-san about it, but the other two. . . they have still never said anything at all.
[His affectation is still pretty blank, as usual, but he sounds a little hurt.]
Before that, I felt that I could talk to those two about a lot of things. I talked to them about how hard I'm trying to learn to make decisions for myself. But if they aren't even willing to scold me, if they aren't willing to tell me when I'm wrong, then doesn't that mean protecting my feelings is more important to them than what I want for myself?
I don't know if that's the case all the time, but... I don't like that they see people like you and me, and they see how young we are... and make choices for us.
[there's a ripple of anger, of empathy, as her fists tighten at her sides.]
...
I... would say something to Chiron-sensei, though. He's scolded me when I didn't always want to hear it, but...
I think, maybe, he's a little different. That... at least for me, he's willing to let me make my choices for myself even if he disagrees with them, or if he chides me. He... he listens, at least.
[She can't speak for the rest... and she herself is still hurt at Hansa as well so good job priest dad, two for two there.]
[Chiron. . . scared him at execution. He pointed a bow and arrow at Kano and threatened to kill him. He doesn't super want to talk to him! But just. Letting it slide.]
. . . I don't like that, either. They should have more faith in you.
[And in himself, but it's hard for him to express that feeling.]
I don't think it's right to act as though bad things haven't happened! Kano-san had feelings, too. Kano-san's feelings mattered, too! There's no point to being angry about something that already happened, but pretending it didn't is wrong, too!
[He kind of blurts that out, because it's a feeling that's been building up in his for a while. But.]
But I understand, too. Because if you explained to everyone, then some of those people will only say what they think will make it better.
They should have faith in you, too, you know. Shigeo-kun... has a lot of good things to say.
[She pauses, glancing at the rock in her hands.]
That's why you used it, right? It wasn't to make things bad or good or anything, it was just... because Shuuya-kun didn't deserve to suffer any more than he already had.
[haha :( at least mob'a choice was significantly more justified in logic even if... yknow... jeanne nearly got killed...]
I don't know how it could've been done any better. I... feel like Shuuya-kun might have just been angry, unless you told him before. Maybe if you knew Jeanne-san was the one, she could have been prepared, but...
[That's not how it works, and Mob had made a choice to help a friend. She can't fight him on that.]
Yoshizawa-san also planned to use hers. But she was planning to wait a little longer, to be safe. That would have been better.
But it's okay. Ruler-san. . . she was happy that I'd done it, even if she got hurt. So I don't regret it, either. Even if I don't like that she got hurt, it doesn't change that he didn't deserve to suffer.
Next time, I would just talk to someone about the decision I made.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Her friends!]
You didn't write them in your book.
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[She looks up from where she's leaned over, tilting her head in confusion.]
Do I remember... what, Shigeo-kun? I didn't hear you.
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[Her friends. Oh no!]
I wrote it down in your book. Your friends, the ones you didn't want to forget.
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[This is the first she's heard of it?]
My book was empty this morning, Shigeo-kun... I mean, outside of what Hansa-san and I wrote...
Maybe I just missed it? I've got a lot of friends, but...
I... don't think I ever told you about any of them. Did I?
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[But the book didn't help :( Oh no.]
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[Her brow furrows. Who... else was left? Who would she have ever asked someone to remember like that?
Slowly, she starts listing off on her fingers.]
Clef, Presea, Ferio, Ascot, Caldina, Rafaga, Emeraude, Zagato, Lantis, Primera, Eagle... um...
It wasn't any of those?
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Hikaru-san, is it okay if I tell you about some of my friends?
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Yeah! You said you're a second-year, right?
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[But he's not going to tell her about his friends from school. He loves them, but they're not his most important people.]
Um. Their names are Umi-chan and Fuu-chan.
[Can she understand him when he says that?]
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[Said as though the sounds are foreign.]
Mm.... They're cute names! Are they girls at your school?
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[Smiling just a little at that.]
Do you want to come meet them, then?
stares into the sun
[I mean, that sounds like fun! But hm.]
I don't know what that place is, though, Shigeo-kun... I think that's where Usagi-chan and Yoshizawa-chan might live, though? Oh, and Shiro-san, too.
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Where do you live?
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I just really want you to meet them, because I think you'd get along with them.
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[She's started a little project with funnier shaped rocks on the shore - they won't work for what she needs for the shrine, but that doesn't mean she can't have a little fun with it. Right now it just looks kind of like the start of a box or something.]
Shigeo-kun, um...
Thank you. For... standing up for me a little during the trial. I know you shouldn't have had to do that.
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He continues picking up rocks, but he looks a little troubled.]
Vezda-san is not very tactful. He pushes too hard without thinking, and takes his feelings about things out on others.
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I know he can get kind of angry really fast... but he wasn't wrong to ask what he did or anything.
[He didn't have proof that she was telling the truth, after all.]
I'm gonna try to talk to him later. I told him I would. I... think he'll still be mad, but...
I just didn't think telling something like that completely was a good idea. I didn't want to hide it, or that I used it... but I... I think bringing up anything more than that would have just made things even worse when we were supposed to be talking about Raven and Laine-san.
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But. . . [He's frowning.] I didn't really like hearing what Cervantes-san and Shiro-san said, either. People like that - kind people, who want to protect your feelings - sometimes even though they're kind, listening to people like that is the wrong thing to do.
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...Yeah. Claude, too.
I know why they tried to do what they did. And I... I like all of them. But... it... it hurt more, for them to do that, then... then what Vesda-san did.
I don't need my hand held for my own mistakes, you know? How else am I supposed to learn...?
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. . . After Kano-san's execution, Cervantes-san and Vezda-san and Archer-san were all very angry with me. But they didn't say anything to me. I was able to talk to Vezda-san about it, but the other two. . . they have still never said anything at all.
[His affectation is still pretty blank, as usual, but he sounds a little hurt.]
Before that, I felt that I could talk to those two about a lot of things. I talked to them about how hard I'm trying to learn to make decisions for myself. But if they aren't even willing to scold me, if they aren't willing to tell me when I'm wrong, then doesn't that mean protecting my feelings is more important to them than what I want for myself?
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[there's a ripple of anger, of empathy, as her fists tighten at her sides.]
...
I... would say something to Chiron-sensei, though. He's scolded me when I didn't always want to hear it, but...
I think, maybe, he's a little different. That... at least for me, he's willing to let me make my choices for myself even if he disagrees with them, or if he chides me. He... he listens, at least.
[She can't speak for the rest... and she herself is still hurt at Hansa as well so good job priest dad, two for two there.]
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. . . I don't like that, either. They should have more faith in you.
[And in himself, but it's hard for him to express that feeling.]
I don't think it's right to act as though bad things haven't happened! Kano-san had feelings, too. Kano-san's feelings mattered, too! There's no point to being angry about something that already happened, but pretending it didn't is wrong, too!
[He kind of blurts that out, because it's a feeling that's been building up in his for a while. But.]
But I understand, too. Because if you explained to everyone, then some of those people will only say what they think will make it better.
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[She pauses, glancing at the rock in her hands.]
That's why you used it, right? It wasn't to make things bad or good or anything, it was just... because Shuuya-kun didn't deserve to suffer any more than he already had.
[haha :( at least mob'a choice was significantly more justified in logic even if... yknow... jeanne nearly got killed...]
I don't know how it could've been done any better. I... feel like Shuuya-kun might have just been angry, unless you told him before. Maybe if you knew Jeanne-san was the one, she could have been prepared, but...
[That's not how it works, and Mob had made a choice to help a friend. She can't fight him on that.]
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Yoshizawa-san also planned to use hers. But she was planning to wait a little longer, to be safe. That would have been better.
But it's okay. Ruler-san. . . she was happy that I'd done it, even if she got hurt. So I don't regret it, either. Even if I don't like that she got hurt, it doesn't change that he didn't deserve to suffer.
Next time, I would just talk to someone about the decision I made.
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